i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
vagina is talking i cant
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
