i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
