just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
