There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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