I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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