he puts the penis in happiness.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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