i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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