Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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