i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
