You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
