Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
