The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
