Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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