Cold hands, warm shart.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
