Your mouth is God's brothel.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
