There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
