i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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