Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
