Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
that is very illegal...i love you.
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