Umm I'm too high to move.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
