Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
