i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
