i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
