I think scott just propositioned me for sex
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
