You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
