Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize