no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
