I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize