Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
