He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
