By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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