maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
