I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
