doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
