Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
