i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
