Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
