It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
