when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize