I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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