I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
