Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
