you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
