I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
