Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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