I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
