hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
