Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
