Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize