i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
