So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
