There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Randomize
