Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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