turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize