Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
