boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
