Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
