Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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