The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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