Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
