bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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