The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
