if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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