if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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