I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
