found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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