now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize