Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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