I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
