The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
