Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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