i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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