You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
