My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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