Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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