My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
