I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Randomize
