Pregnant stripper...not hot.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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