the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
