i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
